"Tinder Is Making Guys Lazy As F*ck"

            

         Dating apps have made guys lazy as fuck. Let’s be honest, but aren’t women responsible for the other half in dating? To be fair, they should be.

         While riding in an Uber, I was chatting with this 40-something man who was a class act. He was telling me about his family and how he has a teenage daughter and how hard it is raising teens; we got on the topic of chivalry and how at times, it seems dead.  Of course, we started talking about dating apps and he said, to be frank, anything that a guy can attain so easily through an app, he will feel like is not worth having or retaining. 

          This comment resonated with me.  I thought about how he was not trying to be judgmental; but rather commenting on the reality of meeting someone online and what it entails. For example, whether its solely using it for sex, an ego boost, something to do on a Wednesday night, whatever your reason—there is something to be said for apps easy access to whatever you are trying to fulfill (man or woman). For the record, the Uber man was throwing the guys under the bus here, not just me (again).

            I feel like I have talked to a gazillion people about their thoughts on dating online. Whether their experience is positive or negative, I always hear some of the same trends on what you find in your online matches. For example, my friends and I will chat about how disingenuous guys are online, guys on dates will TELL ME how they have friends that use apps just as an ego boost to see how many matches they get and never actually message any of them (you’re such a loser), and of course, how guys/girls are just cruising for some easy sex. Hey, I get it. How are you supposed to meet someone nowadays, anyways?

            This brings me to the meeting part. When was the last time you went to a bar and actually got hit on? If you are married, can you think that far back? I will tell you it rarely happens to me now. Not that I think I am that amazing, but it doesn’t really happen to any of my girlfriends either.  This is why I am usually shocked if a guy approaches me; even more so when it happened last week while watching the tournament. A guy sauntered over to me while out at a bar watching the Final Four. I chalked it up to two factors: he was so absurdly drunk he could barely stand (wouldn’t care if I blew him off) and he was wearing a Michigan State shirt--I thought he wanted someone to nurse his wounds after their loss.  He kind of gave up when I wouldn’t dance with him; there was no music playing.  However, that is beside the point.

            I go to the bars all the time and guys don’t have to approach you anymore. Like, somehow in the past five years that has been completely eradicated. Why? Because they can get can what they need and want from online. Guys don’t have to approach anyone and they don’t have to get their egos hurt because you can do it safely with anonymity from your Iphone.  Thus, no real substantial rejection, no effort, and it does not have to cost him anything.

            This brings me full circle. Are guys really all to blame? Yes, they can be an easy scapegoat because if you are traditional you want them to make the first move, whether it’s their approach upon meeting or for the first interaction on the dating app. From experience, whenever I am the first one to reach out or be ballsy and try to make conversation at the bar, I usually get shot down. So Cosmo, quit telling me how a guy just wants a forward girl and for me to be overtly aggressive--it’s a turnoff for them. 

           

            One time at the bar, my friend was so annoyed that no one came up to us all night, she wanted to go up to a group of fratty guys and say, “Hey boys, ever dated a girl with a dick?” Had she done it, it would’ve been a priceless moment to witness their stunned reactions and them trying to process if she was really a transvestite, but this is just an example of a woman’s passive aggressive frustration. I just got dressed up for not one guy to even approach me, really?

            Are guys happy that the tables have turned and they don’t have to be put on the spot anymore to be real aggressive? Or are they just a pawn in the newly evolved dating game? At the end of the day, their basic nature has not changed. They still will pursue you (if interested) but the platform has wholly changed. Instead of meeting you organically, both sides have settled into the complacency of meeting online and if anything, women have the ability to put themselves out there and be more aggressive online. If anything, I’m interested, how will dating and relationships change in the next 5-10 years? How will online dating apps mold the future and possibly, your future partner?