"Are You Settling For A Man?"

Do you ever wish you could read a Yelp review on the guy that you initially start dating as a forewarning to what you are getting into? It would be great; you could see the pros and cons of this person before you even have the chance to get invested. You could mentally match up your non-negotiables compared to their actions and personality traits.

Wouldn’t that be awesome? With all that you can do via online dating, we probably aren’t that far away from it.

Settling for a guy versus making concessions and compromises in your significant other can take you back to a list in your head of whether you are actually sticking to your guns.

The difference between settling for a man for the sake of having a relationship versus finding a proper match in your significant other can be more than a challenge. Being that there is no true perfect person, what is the difference between realizing someone's faults and quirks compared to this guy really not fulfilling your non-negotiables?

Navigating online dating, you deal with a lot of crap. Your close friends that are taken begin to think you are a serial online dater when you have more than 1 date a week. This couldn’t be further from the truth! These taken b*tches don’t realize how dating has really changed in the last few years. Thus, getting into a relationship, you might feel like you’ve kind of just won gold.

After passing this hurtle, after a couple of months you start to push past the superficial and realize, Am I really into this person? Or is it just convenient and good enough for the time being?

Hey, I’ve been in this predicament. It’s a great question to ponder because as a girl, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of a relationship. You are still kind of surprised he’s committed since everyone is just too cool. When you get into another argument, you start to realize concessions you are making for him. For example, maybe he isn’t alpha but he makes no effort to solidify plans or even offer a cute idea for date night. It’s always on you. Just Google something. You don’t even have to think. Naturally, this can wear you down quickly.

Maybe this doesn’t always grind your gears, you don’t mind planning. However, his lack of communication gets you. He doesn’t text you back in a reasonable amount of time unless you are asking a poignant question and you feel like he’s too laissez faire about your relationship. This isn’t normal. You think he cares too little and you think—Is he into me or more into this basketball game? If you are competing with the never-ending program of sports: This. Is. A. Red. Flag. Let me give you a piece of advice, if he is stooping to watching NASCAR- you will never be a priority. Word to the wise, there will always be something on to watch; therefore, a game, match, race that will always come before you.

Okay, so cross off passion or desire from your list. Finally, not that everyone has to be as cultured as the Queen of England, but if he cuts his sushi with a fork and knife and he isn’t 60-years-old, you can feel yourself cringe. He’s never been out of the country but wears it like a badge of honor. Hey, I love America too but feign some interest in at least sightseeing Montreal. Having an open mind can go a long way, and can allow you to explore unique interests, places, and experiences together.

What is the difference between settling for a partner and making concessions and compromises for them? I’m a firm believer that people do not make dramatic life changes especially to please someone else. We are who we are and we tend to be selfish. Settling for someone that feels “good enough,” know that you might not top their list of priorities but depending on your life situation, maybe that is what you need in the moment. However, taking what is good enough in the moment can be a slippery slope—at the end of the day do you want another roommate or a significant other that appreciates you as much as you care about them?